getting married young in a culture that says no

Confessions of a Happy Housewife

Getting Married Young in a Culture That Says: “No Way in Hell!”

1 Jul , 2013  

I guess you have already noticed that I am on a roll with the marriage and wedding posts, but there is a perfectly good explanation for that. On the 2nd of July,  Stephen and I will mark our first anniversary as a married couple! It is a very exciting moment for both of us and me, in particular!

If you loathe the marriage institution and have decided to never ever tie the knot, maybe you should turn away now, because this is an article aiming to encourage young people who dream of happily ever after and who feel ready to commit to that one special person. I know these people are not many and I know they feel confused right now and need something to remind them that they are not crazy to want to make that step. I know this, because I was one of them.

I always wanted to get married young and build my world around someone who loves me to death. Luckily that dream of mine came true one year ago. But it was not easy. All my friends thought I was crazy and I would occasionally slip in the conversation those dreams and plans of mine, just so I can hear myself. It was like saying them out loud and hearing them reinforced my belief, despite what everyone said. There were days when I was really put down by all the scary statistics, people mocking other people for getting married, and marriages breaking down in front of my eyes. However,  I was convinced there are benefits of being committed to someone for the rest of your life and I was right. Here is what I found, which I hope, will restore your faith too:

Getting married young

1. You get to start early on a home life – you get used to clean your own messes, because you know, mom’s not always going to be there and professional cleaners won’t help you out forever! You get to take responsibility of your own actions and you learn how to do things yourself. This may sound like a bad thing, but it actually gives you  a sense of accomplishment. You learn how to achieve little things every day and that makes you not only more capable, but confident in your skills and knowledge as well.

2.You get a headstart on a lifetime of great memories. You will be with your lifemate so much longer. I can’t imagine meeting Stephen at 34 and not living with him the 10 years we now have as a headstart. Life is short. It really is. Getting married early gives you more time with your loved one and more amazing memories together. You will get to experience so much more with your husband and this is far better then anything else this world can offer.

getting married young gives you a headstart on a lifetime of great memories

… and this is why you marry your best friend.

3. Having kids at an earlier age means you will raise them while you are still young and energetic. This increases the chances of having healthier kids vs.  late childbirth. Especially for a woman having children before 30 is crucial, because having a baby in the mid 30’s not only hides risks, but makes the recovery more complicated. The body cannot lose the baby weight that fast, and everything that was stretched and expanded during pregnancy and labour can’t really regain its previous shape the way it does when you are in your mid 20s. Furthermore, when you have kids earlier, you will raise them and send them off to college earlier, while you are still young and able to enjoy yourself with your husband.

4. One of the main benefits of getting married young is that you will grow together. I know I said it already, but it is worth saying it again! You will grow together and not be two grown-ups trying to fit their lives. You will have someone to appreciate you through every stage and share your personal achievements with.

5. Early marriage protects the hearts of spouses. That being said I will give an example of my mother. She married very early. Maybe a little too early according to many. Only sixteen, she married my father and has never ever been heartbroken, ever. She doesn’t have a long list of ex’s and a list of painful memories that goes along. I find it hard to imagine. Even though I married early I had a few heartbreaks, which I bitterly regret. Early marriage can spare you a lot of embarrassing and awkward dates, a lot of lonely nights and endless wonder and fears. In other words, each break-up takes its toll and leaves us a little colder, a little emptier on the inside, a little less trusting. I believe in God and I believe we were never created for this.  These are tears we could’ve lived without and mistakes we didn’t need to make, because rarely we learn something new.

In our culture that says: “Wait! You should make money first!”, we go on and achieve excellent academic results, climb the career ladder and have accomplishments behind our backs, but wander lonely in life and wish there was that one special person to share all that with.

More about the joys, difficulties and benefits of getting married young you can find in the second part of this post

Lana Jane Fox

Lana Jane Fox is a young, aspiring housewife, currently living in North Melbourne. At present her primary job is to be a good wife and a helpmeet to her husband and only after that she describes herself as a marketing executive and a blogger. When she is not knitting, cleaning, cooking, or experimenting with DIY projects, Lana is planning her next road trip, or spends precious time with her husband. She dreams of having a baby boy, a Welsh Corgi dog and a house with a fireplace and a garden where she can grow organic food.


  • Nikita

    You lost me after “first anniversary” and then again at “happily ever after”. I know a lovestruck newlywed when I see one. Marriage isn’t a fairy-tale, as a matter of fact, it’s probably the farthest thing from it. So come back in about ten years after you’ve seen the ugly side, then see how you feel lol

    • Michaela

      I’m sorry you feel that way. I like what was said in the corny before that “marriage is what you make it”. If you and your spous want a happily ever after and you both work towards that, I don’t see how your marriage could be anything but that. Sometimes to see the beauty and magic we need to take off the blinders and change. Let us young folk dream and prove that marriage doesn’t need to have a dark side. Take your negativity somewhere else.

  • moriah

    Wow, this is beautiful! I am also “too young” to be married says the world. But my husband and I are so happy together, and this blog post was such an inspiration. Thank you.

  • Amanda

    I think people who constantly highlight the uglier side of marriage are clearly unhappy. Marriage is what you make it. When you marry you are supposed to do it for love, not because it seemed like a good idea, not because your financial situation says its time, not because your mommy and daddy gave the okay, not because you found someone you can tolerate, not because your are a certain age, further more, not because you were so afraid of being alone that you picked a person that you knew would never break your heart. I met the love of my life at 13. he sat next to me in a freshmen high school class, and since that moment our lives have been intertwined whether we wanted them to be or not. We’ve had time to make young mistakes with each other, to grow as young adults, experience rights of passage together, to experience regrets and successes. We’ve been together five years now, and at eighteen we are talking a lot about marriage. He is ready, and me, what I know is that I want to wake up every day to his face, whether he is angry or sad or smiling like usual. There is not a thing about him that I don’t love. He is rash and infuriating and brave and brilliant and absolutely everything that I can’t live without. OF COURSE MARRIAGE IS HARD. and of course it can be ugly. How many of us actually keep the promises we make to ourselves everyday? Marriage is the biggest promise of them all so of course its a difficult promise to honor. . But if you really love someone the way you ought, it will be the best thing you ever do in your life. Watching the marriages all around me all my life I have come to that conclusion and I believe it with all my heart. I am young, and I am cautious and I am happy, and I know that I love my best friend enough to make the biggest promise ever with him. neither of us believe in divorce, so to us, marriage is the biggest most amazing commitment of our lives. I truly and honestly believe that it doesn’t matter what age you marry. Fate happens. And when it does, two people are and will forever be meant to stay together. Whether they marry at eighteen or forty or 75 or 35. I say bring on the ugly and bring on the beauty because I am going to love his stubborn crazy beautiful soul until the end of time. And we will not be negative statistics. We will be the blossoms that weathered every storm.

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  • Michaela

    Thank you so much for this!! I’m 20 and getting married in 2 months to my best friend and I am so excited!! I see no problem with marrying young and I am a firm believer that, like Amanda said, that, “marriage is what you make it”. Let’s show the world that there doesn’t need to be a dark side to marriage! :)

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