‘With this ring, I me wed’
Here comes my late-night, 3 coffees down, high on cold and flu medication, rant.
Most people nowadays would address just about any act with the mild: “Hey, whatever rocks your boat, man!” and would argue that since these people are hurting no one, the whole marrying yourself thing shouldn’t burst my bubble. As much as this is true and such a step undertaken by a third party can’t destroy my sense of well-being, I feel this upward trend is twisted and belittles marriage.
It belittles my marriage and those of people worldwide who work hard to preserve and to stay in their marriages and have become better people because of it. People who’ve learned to trust and to give this other person unconditional love on a daily basis. These acts I’ve witnessed recently strip marriage of its meaning and makes it just as meaningless. How can you become a better person when you devote your life to love unconditionally yourself? This is something that will eventually prevents you from seeing the fault “in your stars”. There are many worthy men and women out there, but if you are constantly focusing on yourself, building a great relationship with yourself and telling yourself how great you are, you are never going to be able to see them. Since when the holy matrimony became all about “me, Me, ME”? Surely a love note to yourself will help you put things together, but a wedding? Really? We have started to demand way too much recognition for just being able to function normally? And calling it marriage?
Marriage by default takes two. The official definition of marriage states it is “the legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman”. Self-marriage not only sounds schizophrenic and narcissistic, but cannot possibly be a formally recognised union, because there is nobody to unite with. I am not here to discuss legal matters, really. I am attacking most folk’s view of love. And most don’t really fancy love:
“People don’t like love, they like that flattery flirty feeling. They don’t love love – love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it. It’s ridiculous.”
Love is not about yourself, but about the other person. If you haven’t yet heard of it, love is always patient and kind, it is NOT selfish. Unless you have a mental disorder and your personalities are in conflict with one another, it is fairly easy to be patient and kind to yourself, to be selfless to yourself. But is that really the whole point of love? Don’t we cultivate it to give to that special someone? Yes! And science supports it. A seventy-five years epic study by Harvard University, costing more than twenty million dollars points to a straightforward five-word conclusion: “Happiness is love. Full stop.” Marriage has the potential to be the foundation for cultivating this love. Marriage to another person, that is.
Love cares about the other person first. You cannot really love yourself in a way that you can love another human being, because you lose the element of sacrifice which is essential to what love is all about. How can you love another human being while you are so full of yourself? And, in fact most people are so full of themselves these days they can’t make a place for anyone else in their hearts and their lives. They are not willing to compromise, nor they are willing to sacrifice and go out of their comfort zone in order to start a life with their spouse.
A life, I can speak from experience, is a thousand times more rewarding when shared with a person who loves you to bits!
Here, I said it!